Sunday, 26 October 2014

Thoughts of a displaced child - Letter to my parents

Mom and Dad

I hope that I become a little voice that both of you can hear because I realise that the voice inside you has been silenced by the friction of emotions, I hope my thoughts can bring warmth into your hearts cause I can realise that you have become stone cold inside and your heartbeats have faded and buried underneath the iceberg your love has become. I call you Mom and Dad because I can no longer stand the names you call each other, yet you want me to mirror the image of love.

Love? what is love I ask myself because if what you have between the two of you is love then I don't want to ever fall in love, the emptiness you hope for each other now resides in my life. The look on your faces when I mention one of you in the presence of another makes me wonder if I look beautiful to you, if I mirror an angel or only just a painful sad memory of a failed relationship. The dried tears on my face are becoming so permanent like the scars you have engraved in each others hearts. I am told of a fairytale love through the pictures of your past that I steal a moment with in your absence as they remain buried deep in boxes marked "Do not open". They smile, embrace, sparkle, joy, excitement, playfulness I see on them tells a different story to the terrible love story I live in. 

Well tonight I am going to go to bed without a bedtime story nor lullaby while the two of you try to prove to each other how much you don't need each other despite how I need you both, while you try so hard to blame each other and forget that this was your choice but i'm the one bearing the scars. I will dream again the same dream I dream each day; the dream where I wake up on my birthday and both of you are in my room to hug and kiss me then sing for me, take me to school after opening the gifts, to later where i receive first price for my speech at school where i speak about my little perfect family during honours night, to when we get home and you open my school report and tell me how proud you are of me, then light up the christmas trees after having dinner with you and my two grannies who are so proud of me, then to that lullaby. see how I try to put my whole life in one night so that you can both be there? Well Mom and Dad i hope you are happy and will meet someone you love while I loose the one I love, oh I suppose I have to call them Mommy or Daddy too. 

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