Sunday, 9 November 2014

What Changed? - A letter to the boy I used to be

Tick tock, the sound that marks the passing of my youth as time gathers momentum and races away taking me to a place of strange feelings and foreign visions, this is a letter to the boy I use to be.

Hi there, I hope you are still there somewhere, that you still exists and your challenges didn't destroy you. I am always inspired by your winning spirit, how you fought the odds you were faced with and still remained fearless. my eyes fill up with tears each time I walk a mile in your shoes. I realise how much your pain has become my makeup, I am a product of your misfortune, the mirror of your anger. I envy you, a boy that made a man. I wish i came before you so i may have created a better mould of whom we become. 

The man I am at times wishes to be a boy you are, there was so much life in you, not much possessions but so much love and happiness. So much I wanna learn from you, how you could just love so unconditionally, forgive so easily, give willingly and generously when you have nothing. I wish to go into your heart and inherit the feelings of loving beyond the pain, the joy in loyalty, the warmth in belonging and realise the loneliness in pride.

I fought so much to become the man I am, I fought so hard and forgot to enjoy the boy your are. I only realised how unkind life treated you but was blind to your fulfilment, satisfaction and joy so I started fighting to take us to a place in life where we are in control, where we have belongings and power. A place where people will envy us, I gave you all that but i took from you what I can never give back. I took from you Love, joy, satisfaction, humility, I removed from you your  relationships, family, your kids, loved ones and I lost all of it somewhere on this journey. I traded your happiness for all that surrounds me not who surrounds me.   But still I ask "What Changed"?

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