A message to my daughter - Letter of a fearfull father

My Dear Daughter

I am so excited to see you grow but yet again the chills on my back as I realise that one day you will not be the little girl I can hold close and protect paralyses me. I realise that the only thing a father can do for his daughter is prepare her for what life will bring, but even that has no guarantees that she will choose right and be safe. I realise that what i want for your life may not be what you want for yourself and that it may disappoint me but that cannot stop me from  hoping. 

Every time I see you excited and running around jubilant I want to take that and put it in a jar close it tight and put it away for the day you are feeling sad then I can give it to you and bring you a smile, just like how my grand mother use to do with fruits. I watch you colouring in your book with such a sparkle in your eye and I want to preserve that love of books so as to guarantee your future. 

I see when you look at me how proud you are of me and i don't want to blow your bubble but daddy is not perfect baby, I have made so much mistakes in life and have hurt others, you will realise this as you work to bring your siblings together and reconcile. I want you to know who you are, appreciate and love yourself. One day you will grow up and love someone don't expect them to be like your Daddy, don't measure them to the love and successes of your father, they have their own challenges to overcome. If I ever fail you as a father don't direct your anger at him, let yourself feel something special whenever you can. I have had failures in relationships, probably it is the one area I have had most failures and I suppose more lessons learned. Don't ask from others what you cannot give, appreciate the little things they do for you as they are not obliged, In love respect and trust are not earned they are a gift you give, you will get your heart broken once or twice maybe thrice that is no reason to give up, your relationship is not your friend's so don't leave choices to them, take time to think of something before you say it words hurt more than anything. One day when you have met someone i will have a chat with him, I will tell him how difficult it is to please a Princess, to love a prima donna, encourage him to never use his fist but heart, to focus more on his actions than put too much attention on words.

My little baby.... the world is not disney world, not everyone wants to see you smile, there will be much older man wanting to prey on you run, there will be unfocused young boys who wants to deflower you preserve yourself, don't stay because you have no choice fight. You are going to make so much mistakes and feel ashamed but never hide away from me because i love you just the way you are and will protect you with all my might. As years go I will be old fashioned, boring and a nag, know that is because i want the best for you. I have so much dreams and hopes for you, I wanna see you graduate, walk you down the isle, hold your little ones and watch you from above as you bury my body one day. Love yourself, stay alive, choose wisely.

Yours 

Daddy

Letter to my unfairly punished Son

Dear Son

I consider myself a writer and find it so much easy to write but this letter has been the most difficult piece ever for me to write, maybe it is too close to home. I have continued writing and erasing as I battle to find words to say, tears fill my eyes and sorrow my heart.

Reading through while writing this letter much of sounds so familiar to me and the realisation strikes that, this is a letter I had wished that my father wrote to me. maybe he did and never had the courage to send it or maybe he never did, never bothered. Well I don't want you to spend your life wishing I did.

My passion has become your curse, my happiness your pain and my sanity your loss. My son, a piece of me, I continue to fail you but yet your hero I remain, you stay so proud of calling me daddy. how I sit everyday thinking and crying to the memory of you that fades pass me faster than a formula 1 racing car, wonder how tall you are now, what your favourite song is, your bed time story but all this are just wishes for me as I remain so far away from you. The empty heart that resides inside me becomes more hollow and weak, my whole being becomes colder, I am incomplete and fading away fast and the death we are all so afraid to confront takes an extra step towards me.

How I would like to blame others for our separation but the truth is i've let you down, I failed you. the truth is I fought for myself and not you. I became concerned with what i wanted and not what was good for you, I forgot the role of a father, a role I had to teach myself and wouldn't want you learning by yourself. This is not time for me to teach you principles and maybe it is also too late for me to fix things, I will attract criticism and attacks but i have spend too much time worrying about getting hurt well being separated from you hurts more than all i have been running away from. I am not looking for an award nor a gold medal I spent too much time chasing and receiving those. Life has thrown challenges my way and will do yours too, some things you achieve in life will be more toxic to you than good, be firm and strong, remember never to be strong physically but emotionally that will hold so much together when your world falls apart. Your number one responsibility is to love and protect your family, be a man that I wish I were.

There was never a moment I loved you less or even cared less, my fears, mistakes and ego should never be a reflection of who you are. You are a fighter, a winner, My Champ. I will not spend this precious time telling you about your mother's and Mine failures, but rather assure you of the love we have for you and the joy you always have been in our difficult lives. So here are a few things I learned, walk tall hold your head high, love unconditionally, work hard, protect those you love and take responsibility for your actions. It may not change the world and the wrongs done, but I love you.

Ps: I am sorry for the hurt.....

From Me

Your Father

Being a father

The topic or argument of what it means to be a good father is one that is extremely touchy and sensitive. this is because we perhaps all want to have a say in it while raised differently and mostly don't even have first hand experience at a fatherly relationship.

The confusion is spread so widely across all races and social standings, yet the question still stands "What make a good father?", we all would like to believe and see ourselves as great fathers but are we truly? 

What makes a man a great father, is fatherhood linked to wealth, is fatherhood the sacrificing of one's happiness? these questions comes to my mind when i see fathers that are attacked by their partners/families the minute they cannot provide financially, when they decide to move away from being abused by their spouses. i will be the first to admit that i may not clearly know what a good father is as i was raised without a father, but is one groomed to fatherhood or is it a natural instinct? 

Fatherhood is about children, it is about your relationship as a father with your kids, it is about protecting them while providing for them. Fatherhood should take centre stage role in your life as a father, the relationship you are in you choose to be in, but your kids it is not a matter of choice but a duty. You cannot as a father link your role as a father with your role as a partner, where you can withdraw from being a father when a relationship doesn't work. Your kids will become what you make or didn't make them, they will become the sort of parent you are. To break the curse of your father you need to be a good father to your kids and not a better father to your one. Remember fatherhood is about the relationship with your kids and not any other person.

Women have a tendency to become judges of how much of a bad father their partners are, truth is as a woman you have no idea on what fatherhood is rather than what you have built in your mind about it. Instead of judging help him understand your wishes, it would be unfair to judge your motherhood ability why judge others?

My 2 year old making popcorn for movie

The cost of voting for the wrong President.

I'm not a political analyst nor economist but I have an opinion that needs to be heard, I see countries changing Presidents this year like its the new in thing. People celebrating and streets filled with jubilations in the welcoming of change we call it. But my question is when did we realize that we had the wrong person in the position in the first place, only now? Or did this person change? What did we think putting them into power in the first place?

Does changing them now do much for us? I don't know. What have this people cause their countries? The cost of having the wrong person as a President can be detrimental for a country, the world. The fallen world economy, genocides, Mass murders, stolen fortunes, maintaining of multiple wives and multitudes of children, corrupt officials, etc.

When a country losses face because of its President it also losses faith from those that invests in it. It is the people of the country that suffers and pay for the mistakes of its President, a wrong President can lead a country with hope to destruction, destroy the most promising economy.

It is time that we reflect at the impact of a President before voting them into power because the minute they becomes our President they become our financial responsibility forever, even if they cannot perform their duties or even destroy the country, we will pay them for it.

The South African fifth-dom

About two weeks ago the news broke that the controversial Gauteng tolling rates have been approved by parliament or whoever. The rates where introduced stating around 40 cents a kilometre for a car and so on, then the moment we all have been waiting for came introducing that taxis and buses will be exempted from this tariffs. A light bulb came on and i thought maybe it is time i look at buying a taxi myself and start a taxi empire, why not. Taxis are a law to themselves, we have the government and the taxi industry. The taxi industry is  so feared by our government it is scary, just to mention a few things that the taxi industry has been involved with, whenever they do not agree amongst themselves about routes they shoot and kill passengers and no one says anything, they always get away with murder named "taxi violence". The taxi recapitalisation programme was introduced to ensure that road worthy cars are used to transport passengers, they fought against it until the governments shelved it. Then Reya-vaya was introduced, they again went against it and threatened violence, closed roads, etc. and then the government handed them a share of the Reya-vaya. May i also mention that this is a multi billion rand industry and still contributes nothing towards tax, which is used to build the same roads they drive as if they own, skipping red robots, driving on emergency lanes, pushing in front of everyone and abusing women on the road and inside their taxis. The indication of the profitability of this industry is an airline they are about to launch, now tell me taxis qualify to be exempted from the tolling system.

Small business in South Africa is killed by all the laws we have, tax we pay and also the cost of doing business in this country, taxi industry is exempted from all this, what is the difference between them and the guys selling pirated goods? How many of our politicians own taxi businesses? Maybe i speak too much and should mind my own business, but guess what, The Champ has something to say!

Things I don"t understand

So much things I don't understand so much I will never know but the one thing that really bothers me and cant  get out of my mind is man's (that includes women) need to always protect themselves even in times when we are wrong. How we can fight even in situations where we only need to say I am sorry, how we often miss an opportunity to make things right because we wont listen to the other person because we think they want to fight us or win over us. how sad it is that those we love end up hurt because we cannot accept where we went wrong, how we are willing to give up on the best things we have because we are not willing to take responsibility, now in the fight that you are engaged in do you still remember what is it about? or why you are fighting, is it still relevant and necessary?

The second thing is how we are fighting over opinions and ideologies instead of reality, but what is reality do we even know it? most of the time we do not even care about reality because it will not help us advance the fight, what we want is to fight not something that is going to stop the fight. Even when our opponents give in we still can't see it because it is a fight we want not retreat. But after it is over is there a rewards, are we really fighting for something? We ask so much opinion and get so many people involved that we cant even go back to stop and think about what we are doing because the people we have involved begin asking why are we stopping to fight when we are about to win, why surrender when we are right, when our opinions are the sound ones.

This is the art of war, many innocent souls are crushed, families destroyed, companions estranged all in the name of fighting, but why should we back down when we are right, why should we let people win over us, why should we be weak? this are questions we use to justify the means to this fighting, but do we even pause and ask ourselves other sets of questions such as, what is it worth, what is at stake and am I actually right? We go forth and say so much hurting and destructive things about those we fight against, family, loved ones, friends, etc. and after we say all this things we are reminded always by those we speak to about the status of our relationships. How do we love in the mist of all this battles, how do we remember the good things, how do we move on?

I wish i had answers to all this questions but I am also just a mere mortal that is faced with the same challenges day in and out, feel and then hurt others as much as everyone does, i am a soul, a soul with love and adoration and soul hurting from the pains of battles lost, battles that caused happiness, relationship, love, i am a soul that carries the pains of failed marriages.